Category: Articles & tips

Have you ever felt very relaxed when listening to music? Have you listened to music that instantaneously brought up strong feelings, or brought you back to a special time in your life? Have you felt a sense of inner strength or spirituality when listening to music? Have you sung a lullaby to help comfort a crying baby, or the alphabet song to teach a young child? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it’s because you have experienced the power of music.

Music can evoke emotions, memories, spirituality, social connections, a sense of security, and comfort, as well as provide a means of expressing feelings. Music also provides a fun way for children to learn. Music has a powerful impact on people, and for those reasons music therapy has served as a healing method for physical illnesses for generations. Music has the ability to neutralize negative feelings and enhance the body’s natural stress tolerance level. People of all ages are candidates for music therapy.

Traditionally, music therapists work in institutions, such as hospitals, nursing homes, and schools for children with special needs. Music therapy uses music as a vehicle to achieve non-musical goals. When a child has special needs, music may be one of the most powerful ways to reach him or her (we’ll use him from here on), and help him function at his full potential. Music therapists work with individuals of all levels of abilities and challenges, including disorders such as autism spectrum, cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, developmental disorders, ADD and ADHD, to mention a few.

Common music therapy goals include improving motor skills, communication, academic skills, social skills, attention span, improving behavior and mood, following directions, and eye contact. Music therapy can sometimes be covered through the I.E.P. (Individual Education Plan), Medicaid waiver reimbursements, and sometimes must be paid out of pocket. Both sides of our brain experience the benefits of music, it bridges the gap between our brain’s right and left hemispheres, appealing to the whole mind. Music has the power to stimulate the senses, because when we experience music, almost all our brain’s functions work at once. Children can more easily absorb information, and communicate better through music or song, and improve cognitive activity and self-awareness—which is a neurological dream come true, and which also helps explain music’s soothingly therapeutic benefits.

While music has long been recognized as an effective form of therapy, parents, caregivers, and family members can use it to treat physical ailments, reduce stress, and to do a whole list of other things. Listening to music helps develop the brain. Popular songs can be used to teach. You can take the song “BINGO” and change it to spell the child’s name. The tempo of a lullaby matches the tempo of a heartbeat. Lullabies can be used to comfort crying babies and help them feel secure. Incorporating lullabies into a bedtime ritual can help children make the difficult transition into sleep.

Calm, quiet music can be used to reduce stress and enhance relaxation. Simply having relaxing music in the background can change the way you feel. Play relaxing music in the morning to reduce the stress of the morning routine. Even around dinner time, it can calm children, and help them unwind from school. This will help you relax as well.

Relaxing music can be used to reduce anxiety prior, during, or after surgery or in any medical situation where you or the child feels anxious. As children grow older and listen to more music, they will begin to have preferences. We all have favorite songs that we identify with. These songs may express an emotion that we feel, or talk about an experience we are coping with. Music is an expression of emotion and the words an expression of thought. Periodically, listen to your child’s favorite music with him. This is a good way to communicate with your child. Asking why he enjoys a certain song can help you get a sense of things that you may not be aware of, or know about your child. Singing or playing music as a family can be a fun way to enjoy being together.

Where words fail, music speaks. Music can change the world, because it can change people. It’s the one language we all speak.

Every parent prepares for the day their child leaves home. From the moment their child is born, time marches toward that day of separation. For most typically developing children, that separation begins when the child starts school, then college or yeshivah, and culminating in marriage when he/she (we will say he from here on) leaves to start his own independent life.

For children with special needs, the road to independence looks quite different. In most cases, total independence is never achieved. In some cases, the child remains completely dependent on caregivers, even when he becomes an adult. However, this does not mean that separation does not take place. For a special young adult, leaving his home to move into a residential home can be looked at as a new stage in life, like a boy going to yeshivah out of town or marriage. For his parents, the separation carries with it the same bag of emotions that all parents go through—with some others that are thrown in, that are unique to parenting a child with special needs.

Raising a child with special needs takes a lot of energy, patience, and love. It is a job that takes over a parent’s life. There are many factors that can make parents decide that it’s the right time to put their child in a residential home. For some it’s the realization that the intensive physical care is beyond their capabilities anymore. For some, the decision is based on the social benefits for their typically developing children. And for others, there comes a point in a child’s life that he needs the expertise of professional staff and equipment to help him advance and develop in a way that he wouldn’t be able to if he stayed home. Often, the parents see that their children end up achieving a higher level of independence and a higher level of functions after leaving home. These children need a home where all their needs are met. We, as parents, have the job to give our children what they really need, even if it isn’t necessarily what we prefer. It’s not so easy to get placement. It can take years.

The best advice I can give, even for the parents that aren’t ready to take this step, is to put their child’s name on a waiting list. If and when the time comes, and you are ready or desperate, you won’t have to wait years for placement. There are very strong emotions that come into play with this big decision. Your first thought is “never, no way!” “How could I?” “This is my child.” “What kind of parent sends his/her child to a home for someone else to take care of? These are all very normal reactions, thoughts, and feelings. Parents have an obligation to their entire family, including the special child, to evaluate the entire picture and do what’s best for everyone as a whole. What’s best for the child? To be in your house, but not have the proper equipment, carryover from school, or care to have him reach his full potential? What’s truly best for this child?

While separation anxiety might be felt by the child, we all know that deep down, we as parents, are the ones that are going to truly feel it. So by keeping this child home, are we truly doing what’s best for the child and the family as a whole or it is just for your own “selfish” reasons, such as “I cant hug him every day. How can I give up my child. He needs me. No one will do what I do.” Think about what’s best for your other children. Are there social issues, because they can’t have friends over, or don’t get your proper attention? They could physically be in danger of being hurt by their sibling with special needs. What makes it the right decision to keep this special child home and choose him over the rest of your family? What’s best for you and your spouse? Is it best that you should be physically exhausted or mentally tapped out? Is that fair to you, your spouse, or your other children? Are you are too physically or men tally tired to be a proper spouse or parent? You have an obligation to them, just as much as you do to the special child. While there is no replacement of a mother or father, the level of professionalism and care can be unsurpassed when placed in the right residential home.

You can be as involved as you would like, and make all the final decisions, and visit as often as you would like, and at any time. Your home will always be his home. You are not giving up your child—he is still your responsibility, and no one can take that away from you. Everyone must do what’s best for them and their families.

The statement, “If Hashem gave you this challenge, then he gave you the strength to deal with it,” implies that parents who send their child to a residential program have failed their challenge, is false! Guilt is a very powerful emotion, but doing what’s truly best for the child and your family is not failing.

At the end of the day, ensuring that your child lives up to his potential in the setting that is best tailored to his needs, is dealing with this unique challenge in the best way possible. You are actually passing the challenge with flying colors. Take it from me, I have struggled internally with this same issue, it takes great strength to make this very emotionally difficult decision, with an open mind.

When parents have a child with special needs, they grapple with all sorts of emotions. At the same time, they have to learn to decode all the foreign language that comes along with it.

If you are one of those parents, you might also worry that your child isn’t getting everything he/she needs. Know that your experience can be influenced by how you present yourself and your child’s needs, because information is power! Parents need to start with the facts about their child’s special needs, while trying to keep their emotions out of it. Be current with fact-based knowledge from doctors, specialists, special education experts, attorneys, and teachers. C.A.R.E. for Special Children can help with deciphering, obtaining and understanding this information. Ask a lot of questions like “who, what, where, when, and why.” Listen carefully to the answers you receive. Document the responses instead of relying on your memory. Learn how to best ask questions so they don’t come across antagonistic or defensive. It’s the best way to get open and honest replies.

I know that approaching school teachers, administrators, doctors, lawyers, etc. can be nerve-wracking and downright intimidating, but you know your child best, you spend more time with him than anyone, you are the expert, which is why you are your child’s best advocate! A parent’s perspective is invaluable and something only you can bring to the table. No one knows what is best for your child like you, so trust your instincts when something feels off and don’t be intimidated.

Fake your confidence if you must, find a source of strength to be that confident parent when talking to a professional. If you think your child needs more therapy, then ask for it. Call an I.E.P. (individual education plan) meeting and express your concern. Under the law, and practically speaking, parents have the most power to influence their child’s school program, medical protocol, etc. Knowing your rights is one way to find the confidence you need. Be seen, it’s very important that you are seen in all the circles where your child is being serviced or cared for. Let the doctors see and hear you, let the teachers and school administrators see you at meetings and school events and hear from you via email. Make friends with the doctors and their office staff, with the professionals, and teachers. Smile when you see them and take the time to get to know them. Develop a connection, because remaining a presence tells them that you care about their efforts to help your child.

Set emotions aside, (it’s not easy of course) and approach your meetings with schools or doctors, like a business negotiation. Keep a professional tone. Adopt an approach of cooperative problem solving. Working with your child’s teachers, therapists, or doctors, typically equals better results. Propose solutions or help create a plan that works best for everyone involved. Be open-minded and hear proposed solutions from the other side as well. While in the hospital, if you think you need to get all your doctors on the same page, ask for a team meeting. The worst outcome— you won’t get what you want. Even if that occurs, you’ve demonstrated that you’re an engaged and thoughtful parent, committed to your child’s best interest.

Bring backup, ask family members, friends, or your local community advocate to accompany you to these appointments, meetings, or events. The importance of their input may surprise you. It always helps to have a second pair of ears, and another perspective. It also shows that you have support and a community advocate behind you. Also, know your limitations. Advocating for your child with special needs can be very demanding, so it is important to know your strengths and weaknesses. It is especially important to pay attention to those weaker areas and find others who can assist you where you need it.

Time and time again, we see that when children are in the right environment in school, or getting the right care in the hospital, with the right doctors they thrive—and that is our goal! So, be a force for your child—a kind, thoughtful, and polite force—but a force, nonetheless, to be reckoned with.

The birth of a grandchild with special needs, may also be the death of a dream of the perfect grandchild.

Before you recoil in horror at these words, think of the parents who eagerly count their newborns fingers and toes only to be dealt the blow that their children are anything but normal. Think of the average person bragging “my son the doctor” or “my granddaughter the singer.” We pray for healthy children, but that’s not always the reality, and it’s the new reality that parents and grandparents must learn how to adjust to. For these parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other family members to grasp the joys and difficulties of raising a child with special needs, they must let go of their subconscious or conscious plans for the child’s life. It is normal to feel sad or angry, as we are filled with love for this tiny baby. Acknowledging one’s feelings, and grieving for the loss of that dream, may make it easier to cope with the reality of being the extended family of a child with special needs.

Grandparents, aunts and uncles should be there to support the baby’s parents in every way. Learn—one of the most important things that family members can do is learn about the child’s disability, or special needs. The Internet is a great source of information, as well as misinformation, so be careful, because it may not be as accurate as you think. Begin with sources like hospitals, doctors, and advocacy organizations such as C.A.R.E. for Special Children. Go with the child to his/her doctors’ appointments, and listen carefully to what the doctor says, and ask questions. You and the parents are now learning a very specialized language. The more you know, the easier it will be to converse. Learning is important for emotional health as well, the more you know, the more confident you will feel in your ability to help. Listen—even the most discreet family members sometimes find it difficult to keep from offering unsolicited opinions and advice, but therapists and social workers agree that listening to your children, the child’s parents, and validating what they feel is more important than offering advice.

Grandparents and well-meaning family members need to take their cues from the child’s parents. You may not always agree. Grandparents anticipate the arrival of grandchildren, and to a lesser extent, aunts and uncles look forward to the arrival of nieces and nephews. Perhaps for that reason, a special needs diagnosis can be devastating in their decisions, but they are theirs to make. Support from grandparents and other family’s members is crucial for helping the parents cope. By listening and ascertaining the needs of the child, the grandparents can learn where to place themselves in the care/decision making and discussions. Family members who want to be involved in the child’s care and life, can and should make the effort, by offering non-judgmental assistance, or by not saying or doing anything at all, but just being there for the child and parents.

While there is no “how to” list for grandparents or parents, there are several tried and true approaches. They have the potential to add positively to the parents and special child’s life. Spend time with the child. If the baby needs special care, ask how to help. As the parents feel comfortable, try to care for this child the same way that you would care for your other grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. Offer to babysit or take care of the child. Parents need time for themselves. Once you are comfortable and your children are comfortable with your care for the child, offer to help out. Just offering will make them happy, knowing that they aren’t alone to deal with this challenge.

Do something special with the child. Every child benefits from special time with grandparents and others who love them. Maybe this will be the young person who loves to bake with you or go shopping.

If you can, offer to help financially. Even if your children have financial means, a little extra cash or financial help in this situation can be greatly appreciated. Copays and other expenses add up quickly. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but every little bit helps. Offer to buy takeout dinner for your children’s family or pay a babysitter so the parents can go out themselves and get a break. Whatever it is, it will also help them feel supported.

Consult with an attorney or advocacy organization before putting money in the child’s name. Some children will need expensive care for their entire lives. Before putting money in the child’s name, consult with someone who understands the financial and legal implications of providing significant amounts of money for the child’s care.

While you may be trying to do a good thing, you might jeopardize his/her benefits. Offer specific help. Daily routines are much more complex for a child with special needs. Maybe you can alleviate some of the burden the parents feel by picking up the child’s siblings after school, or simply making dinner once a week. Again, every gesture is a big help.

Finally, no matter how difficult the situation, try not to give into despair. Whatever you are feeling, the child’s parents are feeling much more intensely. Let go of the things you can’t control, and focus on what you can do.

What happens when you’re out with your kids and they see someone who acts differently, but has a seemingly typical appearance? What happens when they see someone older than they are who walks funny and is drooling? What happens when they see a child that is clearly not like them and can’t talk but maybe makes funny noises? How do they respond? Do they stare, make faces or possibly make fun? The problem with intolerance begins when we make judgments based on what we think we know, rather than on what we know. In turn, those judgments get passed on to our children.

As parents, we want to set a good example for our sons and daughters, but sadly, this is not always the case. Often, we pass judgment when we don’t have all the information. I am a mother that has children with special needs. They have a complex mixture of issues to manage. I’ve had more than my share of strange looks, rude comments, and feelings of isolation from some family members, friends, and strangers over the years. It’s typical in our society and our community to judge what we see, which can lead to constant criticism. In my case, my children’s disabilities are clear for everyone to see— but, what about the disabilities that are sometimes hidden for example; autism, Tourette syndrome, some genetic disorders which are not necessarily obvious just by looking at the child.

No matter how old children are, they want to be accepted by their peers. They wish to have friends with whom to eat lunch in school, be invited to play dates, and simply have someone to talk to in school. How much more important is it for a child that is different to feel accepted. Regardless of age, appropriate social skills are critical when it comes to being accepted. Some people with autism have difficulties verbalizing their thoughts and being part of the group. They want to fit in, but often don’t know how. They may also lack the ability to read body language or pick up on social cues. Someone with Tourette syndrome may exhibit verbal or physical tics that could cause other kids to become scared or confused or just perceived as strange. A child that has a physical disability clearly stands out from the rest.

Promoting friendships amongst special needs and atypical children is not easy but is priceless for both children involved. One of the biggest obstacles in promoting such friendships is the social taboo. This taboo can be overcome by educating children about disabilities. Like everyone else, children are often scared of the unknown. When they are unfamiliar with children who suffer from disabilities, they are more likely to shy away from them.

Acceptance begins at home, as parents, we have many teachable moments, including the lessons of tolerance and compassion. Rather than shun the person who is different, educating all children will promote tolerance and acceptance of the differences between them. Another important part of promoting friendships between special needs and atypical children is to try and treat all children as equally as possible. Every child is different and requires special care in one way or another, but it is important to avoid calling undue attention to these differences. By treating the children, the same way as much as possible they will feel as though they belong to one cohesive group, rather than feeling as though they are two groups of children merged together.

There is one thing that may need to be addressed—attention. Children with special needs often require more attention than an average child, which can make the typical child feel left out. This feeling of isolation may lead them to act out, either by ignoring the child receiving the attention or by misbehaving to compete for the attention. If both children can participate in the activity, for example therapy, games, and baking then it is best to include everyone, even if it is geared toward one child or another. This inclusion helps build relationships and promote an understanding between the children. Once educated, children are often forgiving of the differences in others.

With the proper knowledge and the right amount of attention, all children will learn how to build lasting friendships with one another. My children, like all children with special needs, are gifts to this world. They are sweet, loving, nonjudgmental, and pure —qualities, we want all children to possess. While they have other traits that prevent them from fitting in as easily as most children, it doesn’t make them any less special or less deserving of getting the most out of life and being treated with respect, compassion and dignity, like everyone else

Children with learning disabilities like dyslexia, an auditory processing disorder (APD), struggle with schoolwork regardless of their intellectual abilities. They require specialized learning strategies to meet their potential and to avoid self-esteem problems and behavioral difficulties. Parents of learning-challenged kids need to be persistent. This includes working with the child at home, as well as with teachers and schools, to ensure they get all the help they need. They may want to remove the child from a mainstream school and put him in a school that specializes in this area. Children with behavior issues may not respond to traditional discipline. A diagnosis of ADHD, dysfunction of sensory integration, autism, or Tourette syndrome require specialized strategies that are tailored to their specific needs. Behavior issues can increase the risk of problems at school. The parents need to be flexible, creative, and patient. Children’s medical issues can include, but are not limited to, serious conditions like heart defects, muscular dystrophy, cystic fibrosis, and other genetic diagnoses. A child may need frequent medical testing, hospital stays, equipment, and accommodations for disabilities. Establishing a good support system is very important when dealing with the uncertainty of any medical crisis. People will share what they feel is helpful. They will want to try and fix your child’s challenges for you. They may also share their absurd ideas. Take these ideas with a grain of salt, pondering the advice you think might prove useful. Although every child’s special needs are different, and every family is unique, there are some common concerns that link parents. These include getting appropriate care and promoting acceptance in the extended family, school, and community. For some, planning for an uncertain future may be necessary. Parents might also find themselves adjusting routines and expectations. Sometimes, quite often out of necessity, parents of children with special needs may be more flexible, compassionate, stubborn, and resilient than other parents. While it may not be something parents had hoped for or expected, it is important for the child that the parents do their best. As parents, you will learn more about yourselves, once you take ownership of the process of dealing with the diagnosis. It is going to be quite a ride, but take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. So, feel comfortable reaching out for support and as crazy as it sounds now, one day you might want to share your failures and successes to help others.

When a couple is blessed with a child, they think about all the fun they will have nurturing the baby and teaching the child everything they know. Sometimes the parents get a wake-up call that stops them in their tracks—the flu, a late milestone, or in some cases a diagnosis of something that most people have never heard of, or never knew existed.

Special needs is an umbrella term for a wide array of diagnoses, some resolve quickly, others are a challenge for life, some are relatively mild, others are more profound. The term special needs can include, but is not limited to developmental delays, medical conditions, genetic disorders, learning disabilities, autism, Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, or a physical handicap. They all require special accommodations, so the children can reach their full potentials.

No matter the reason, the diagnosis is useful. It can help parents obtain the needed services, set appropriate goals, and gain an understanding of the child and the stresses the family may face. Often, a stressed child will find himself in a stressed home or school environment. True the stressful environment may have been caused by the child with special needs, but the end result is that the child finds himself having to deal with stressed out adults, which is the last thing he needs.

Special needs are commonly defined by what a child can’t domilestones unmet, foods banned, activities avoided, or experiences denied. These hindrances can hit families hard and can make special needs seem like a tragedy. Some parents will always mourn their child’s lost potential and some conditions become more troubling with time. Other families may find their child’s challenges make triumphs sweeter, and that weaknesses are often accompanied by amazing strengths.

Special needs is a very broad term and every situation is unique. Families should focus on seeking the help and guidance needed for their particular concerns.

Parents, caregivers, and teachers are generally the first to realize that a problem exists. When you think about it, psychiatrists, therapists, neurologists, and physiatrists do not stand on street corners, and randomly pick children to evaluate.

Rather, kids are sent to doctors because other people have noticed a problem. Those people, namely parents and teachers are the ones on the front line. When they notice there’s a difference-that’s when the parents seek the help of psychiatrists, neurologists, etc. 

Developmental disabilities can change a parent’s visions of the future and provide immediate difficulties in caring for and educating the child. Diagnoses like autism, Down syndrome, and intellectual disabilities often cause children to be removed from mainstream settings and schools. Quite often, parents become fierce advocates to make sure their children receive the services, therapy, schooling, and inclusion they need and deserve.

Learning issues: children with learning disabilities like dyslexia, an auditory processing disorder (APD), struggle with schoolwork regardless of their intellectual abilities. They require specialized learning strategies to meet their potential and to avoid self-esteem problems and behavioral difficulties. Parents of learning-challenged kids need to be persistent. This includes working with the child at home, as well as with teachers and schools, to ensure they get all the help they need. They may want to remove the child from a mainstream school and put him in a school that specializes in this area.

Children with behavior issues may not respond to traditional discipline. A diagnosis of ADHD, dysfunction of sensory integration, autism, or Tourette syndrome require specialized strategies that are tailored to their specific needs. Behavior issues can increase the risk of problems at school. The parents need to be flexible, creative, and patient.

Children’s medical issues can include, but are not limited to, serious conditions like heart defects, muscular dystrophy, cystic fibrosis, and other genetic diagnoses. A child may need frequent medical testing, hospital stays, equipment, and accommodations for disabilities. Establishing a good support system is very important when dealing with the uncertainty of any medical crisis. 

People will share what they feel is helpful. They will want to try and fix your child’s challenges for you. They may also share their absurd ideas. Take these ideas with a grain of salt, pondering the advice you think might prove useful. Although every child’s special needs are different, and every family is unique, there are some common concerns that link parents. These include getting appropriate care and promoting acceptance in the extended family, school, and community. For some, planning for an uncertain future may be necessary.

Parents might also find themselves adjusting routines and expectations. Sometimes, quite often out of necessity, parents of children with special needs may be more flexible, compassionate, stubborn, and resilient than other parents.

While it may not be something parents had hoped for or expected, it is important for the child that the parents do their best. As parents, you will learn more about yourselves, once you take ownership of the process of dealing with the diagnosis. It is going to be quite a ride, but take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. So, feel comfortable reaching out for support and as crazy as it sounds now, one day you might want to share your failures and successes to help others.

What happens when you’re out with your kids and they see someone who acts differently, but has a seemingly typical appearance? What happens when they see someone older than they are who walks funny and is drooling? What happens when they see a child that is clearly not like them and can’t talk but maybe makes funny noises? How do they respond? Do they stare, make faces or possibly make fun?

The problem with intolerance begins when we make judgments based on what we think we know, rather than on what we know. In turn, those judgments get passed on to our children. As parents, we want to set a good example for our sons and daughters, but sadly, this is not always the case. Often, we pass judgment when we don’t have all the information.

I am a mother that has children with special needs. They have a complex mixture of issues to manage. I’ve had more than my share of strange looks, rude comments, and feelings of isolation from some family members, friends, and strangers over the years.

It’s typical in our society and our community to judge what we see, which can lead to constant criticism. In my case, my children’s disabilities are clear for everyone to see— but, what about the disabilities that are sometimes hidden for example; autism, Tourette syndrome, some genetic disorders which are not necessarily obvious just by looking at the child.

No matter how old children are, they want to be accepted by their peers. They wish to have friends with whom to eat lunch in school, be invited to play dates, and simply have someone to talk to in school. How much more important is it for a child that is different to feel accepted.

Regardless of age, appropriate social skills are critical when it comes to being accepted. Some people with autism have difficulties verbalizing their thoughts and being part of the group. They want to fit in, but often don’t know how. They may also lack the ability to read body language or pick up on social cues. Someone with Tourette syndrome may exhibit verbal or physical tics that could cause other kids to become scared or confused or just perceived as strange. A child that has a physical disability clearly stands out from the rest.

Promoting friendships amongst special needs and atypical children is not easy but is priceless for both children involved. One of the biggest obstacles in promoting such friendships is the social taboo. This taboo can be overcome by educating children about disabilities. Like everyone else, children are often scared of the unknown. When they are unfamiliar with children who suffer from disabilities, they are more likely to shy away from them. Acceptance begins at home, as parents, we have many teachable moments, including the lessons of tolerance and compassion. Rather than shun the person who is different, educating all children will promote tolerance and acceptance of the differences between them.

Another important part of promoting friendships between special needs and atypical children is to try and treat all children as equally as possible. Every child is different and requires special care in one way or another, but it is important to avoid calling undue attention to these differences. By treating the children, the same way as much as possible they will feel as though they belong to one cohesive group, rather than feeling as though they are two groups of children merged together.

There is one thing that may need to be addressed—attention. Children with special needs often require more attention than an average child, which can make the typical child feel left out. This feeling of isolation may lead them to act out, either by ignoring the child receiving the attention or by misbehaving to compete for the attention. If both children can participate in the activity, for example therapy, games, and baking then it is best to include everyone, even if it is geared toward one child or another. This inclusion helps build relationships and promote an understanding between the children.

Once educated, children are often forgiving of the differences in others. With the proper knowledge and the right amount of attention, all children will learn how to build lasting friendships with one another. My children, like all children with special needs, are gifts to this world. They are sweet, loving, non-judgmental, and pure—qualities, we want all children to possess. While they have other traits that prevent them from fitting in as easily as most children, it doesn’t make them any less special or less deserving of getting the most out of life and being treated with respect, compassion and dignity like everyone else.

When parents have a child with special needs, they grapple with all sorts of emotions. At the same time, they have to learn to decode all the foreign language that comes along with it. If you are one of those parents, you might also worry that your child isn’t getting everything he/she needs. Know that your experience can be influenced by how you present yourself and your child’s needs, because information is power!

Parents need to start with the facts about their child’s special needs, while trying to keep their emotions out of it. Be current with fact-based knowledge from doctors, specialists, special education experts, attorneys, and teachers. C.A.R.E. for Special Children can help with deciphering, obtaining and understanding this information.

Ask a lot of questions like “who, what, where, when, and why.” Listen carefully to the answers you receive. Document the responses instead of relying on your memory. Learn how to best ask questions so they don’t come across as antagonistic or defensive. It’s the best way to get open and honest replies.

I know that approaching school teachers, administrators, doctors, lawyers, etc. can be nerve-wracking and downright intimidating, but you know your child best, you spend more time with him than anyone, and you are the expert, which is why you are your child’s best advocate. A parent’s perspective is invaluable and something only you can bring to the table. No one knows what is best for your child like you, so trust your instincts when something feels off, and don’t be intimidated. Fake your confidence if you must, find a source of strength to be that confident parent when talking to a professional. If you think your child needs more therapy, then ask for it. Call an I.E.P. (individual education plan) meeting and express your concern.

Under the law, and practically speaking, parents have the most power to influence their child’s school program, medical protocol, etc. Knowing your rights is one way to find the confidence you need. Be seen, it’s very important that you are seen in all the circles where your child is being serviced or cared for. Let the doctors see and hear you, let the teachers and school administrators see you at meetings and school events, and hear from you via email. Make friends with the doctors and their office staff, with the professionals, and teachers.

Smile when you see them and take the time to get to know them. Develop a connection, because remaining a presence tells them that you care about their efforts to help your child. Set emotions aside, (it’s not easy of course) and approach your meetings with schools or doctors, like a business negotiation. Keep a professional tone. Adopt an approach of cooperative problem-solving. Working with your child’s teachers, therapists, or doctors, typically equals better results.

Propose solutions or help create a plan that works best for everyone involved. Be open-minded and hear proposed solutions from the other side as well. While in the hospital, if you think you need to get all your doctors on the same page, ask for a team meeting. The worst outcome— you won’t get what you want. Even if that occurs, you’ve demonstrated that you’re an engaged and thoughtful parent, committed to your child’s best interest.

Bring backup, ask family members, friends, or your local community advocate to accompany you to these appointments, meetings, or events. The importance of their input may surprise you. It always helps to have a second pair of ears and another perspective. It also shows that you have support and a community advocate behind you.

Also, know your limitations. Advocating for your child with special needs can be very demanding, so it is important to know your strengths and weaknesses. It is especially important to pay attention to those weaker areas and find others who can assist you where you need it.

Time and time again, we see that when children are in the right environment in school, or getting the right care in the hospital, with the right doctors they thrive—and that is our goal. So, be a force for your child—a kind, thoughtful, and polite force—but a force, nonetheless, to be reckoned with.